Sunday, 17 July 2011
It's been a very long time since I last made any attempt to catalogue any of my life and I'm not going to attempt to get it all up to speed as it really would take too damn long.
2011 seems to be the year of new directions and realisations for me. This is good as 2010 was a year of loss and it is important to be able to take stock and move forward when things don't go as you expect or hope.
I believe that I am learning what is of value and what is truly important in life. At least, I hope I am, although I expect there is a long way to go.
I have found that I am very much evaluating my friendships and trying to come to terms with what is really valuable. Life is too short to waste energy on arseholes and vampires and I am getting better at spotting and removing such people from my life. In some cases I think downsizing is the key rather than complete exorcism. The important thing is to protect yourself. Bad shit can just sneek into your psyche subtley, often without you even noticing it is there. And then it all collapses like a house of cards.
Jesus was right when he said to build your house upon the rock. The only way to really do that is to have proper self-respect and a desire for contentment. I have decided that happiness is as over-rated as it ever was, being a fleeting thing that pursuit of will only result in unhappiness ultimately. Wanting anything is an unhealthy thing if it becomes the all-consuming thing in your life. My rock is my husband, as well as myself. It is good to have someone outside of yourself to reflect things back. I am very fortunate that I have found someone to do that.
I don't believe that I am perfect, I know I make mistakes and sometimes those mistakes are huge. But it is how you move on from those mistakes that makes you a good person. I have never set out to hurt anyone and if people get hurt then I think I am big enough to want to try to correct that. I know I have foot-in-mouth disease, but sometimes I think people need to hear the truth.
Life isn't about what one has, or even to some extent what one does, it is about being. So I suppose to remember what to be is the key. I can be many things.
It's strange when people who are harmful want into your life. Why would I need that, or even want it? It's good to be a giver, but you have to learn who deserves to receive!
Life does not stand still so we can't either. Nothing stays the same and goodness has to be worked at and held onto or it will pass too. It is true that you don't know what you've got until it's gone. We need to value the here and now as that is all we ever have.
So, there you have it July 2011. What is next? (Apart from August, obviously.)